The Yin Yang Theory

Another first in our household since hubby’s passing. Its our little miracle’s 7th birthday. For those who know my blog, you will know that he is on the autism spectrum.

I look back today on the challenges he has faced, that I have faced, that we have faced and I am proud. Of him, of us, of me.

Losing his dad at such a young age, I was worried the effect it would have on him. But, alas, this little gem has just grown from strength to strength. His dad would be so amazingly proud of him. Often than not he is my strength and helps me through.

It’s 6 months since his dad has passed and it’s as if it has spurred him to grow in leaps and bounds. Wish his dad was here to see him now. Wish he was here, so I could let him know we have been given the go ahead to send him into main stream schooling.

Hence my Yin Yang title. For with every bad situation there is a good. We might not see it or understand the logic in it but it is there. We just need to take a step back to appreciate it and not just focus on the negative.

Fagri, thank you! For blessing me with our amazing kids, for instilling in them what was important. Thank you, for the life we had. We still miss you.

Often, the truly great and valuable lessons we learn in life are learned through pain. That’s why they call it “growing pains.” It’s all about yin and yang. And that’s not something you order off column A at your local Chinese restaurant.

FRAN DRESCHER

Thoughts of the day

6, school going age…

Today is my special little one’s 6th birthday. For most this marks a new chapter in their child’s life, for the normal/average kid. Not for us mortals raising the Eistein’s of their generation.

Although no obstacle has been too big for him, I sit here wondering…

Will he graduate the end of this year with the rest if his peers. I have accepted that he will not attend a mainstream school, our schools here are not equiped to deal with kids on the spectrum.

Will we have an answer from the specialist schools? Will he be able to start next year? Will we be able to afford it? Will we have to keep him behind? Will the creche accommodate us at his age next year? What will we do? 

He says he’s 4 if asked his age. I smile at people who laugh and think its cute but deep down I’m dying/crying. For I know that his mental capacity is that of an ‘average’ 4 year old. Yet he is far from average. Like a computer, his processor just operates differently. Like a pc vs mac.  

And in a world where average is normal, these little geniuses who think out of the box and view the world differently, are alienated.

I know he will be successful in whatever the world throws at him, but I am his mom and I worry. 

I don’t want anything to ever dull his sparkle….

  

Being left behind

I sit here wondering, trying to understand his emotions. What it must feel like or how the situation may appear to him. 

So here’s why I am at this conundrum. All his siblings and cousins went to the movies last night. He unfortunately could not go because they were all worried they would not be able to cope with him. This I understand, as very few have the patience or understanding on how to deal with him when he has a breakdown and it is always a concern. However, what does it feel like to him.

He must not understand why. This I understand too; I can see his emotions, feel them even. I saw his disappointment, the confusion on his face. Why is everyone in the car but me? Why am I being left behind?

His evening spent at home was an emotional one, he was lonely and missed his siblings terribly. When they came home he still refused to look at and greet my dad. He even asked my dad again; ‘Pa can I go to the movies’.

These are challenges I know I will face regularly with him and I keep asking myself ‘How?’.

How do I explain this to him? How do I make him understand? How will this affect him?

There are two sides to this coin. How do I turn any negative into a positive?

No kid likes being left behind… 

 

My little miracle of endless joy

Today is a big day in my life. A lot has happened in one day and I am grateful for all my challenges that make me reassess what I have right here, right now.

Its amazing how life has a way of putting things into perspective when you have lost your way and allows you to refocus on what is important or what you have overlooked.

We often forget how far we have come and feel like we have failed in so many aspects.

My special little boy is my little guiding angel today and I am grateful for being blessed with having such a special little one in my life.

At a point when I question who I am, he reminds me that I have purpose and loads to be happy for.

He has overcome so many obstacles and it feels good to know that I played a great part thereof.

From doing his first oral in front of his class (major milestone for a non-verbal autistic child), to speaking spanish with his sister in the bath.

Yes this is my life and I am exactly where I need to be. Here, now and present. And I am grateful for him reminding me of this.

Challenge or triumph

This is for all the parents who are going through challenges.

Each day is either a challenge or triumph. No 2 days are same. No 2 kids are the same. Each challenge is unique.

Finding out your kid is on the spectrum is unexplainable. You blame, you curse, you feel anger and pain. But know this you are blessed.

At times amidst your challenges you may not see this blessing and may feel alone, even isolated. You begin to see the world differently. People differently.

You will remove yourself or avoid social situations which would make you feel uncomfortable. This is normal. You anticipate the worst outcome for everything. Have faith.

Its difficult for others to understand the conflicts we as parents face. The emotional demons we fight.

All I can say is this, for me, those demons are shattered when I see my son succeed. When he is triumphant, I feel triumphant. His success is my success. Every step towards growth he makes is an achievement to me.

Remember this dear parent, you have not failed. Your kid will only thrive with your unconditional love and support.

And no matter what challenges you face today, their ultimate success will bring you joy and those challenges will seem trivial.

Faith in something greater than ourselves enables us to do what we have said we’ll do, to press forward when we are tired or hurt or afraid, to keep going when the challenge seems overwhelming and the course is entirely uncertain.